


Dream Diagnosis

by Whisper132



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-23
Updated: 2008-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-23 14:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whisper132/pseuds/Whisper132
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renji has odd dreams involving index cards and mozzarella cheese</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dream Diagnosis

There were some things Sanada didn't want to know about his best friend, just as he was sure there were things Renji didn't want to know about Sanada's life. Sanada kept those things to himself. He didn't tell Renji about the ticklish spot at Seiichi's ankle or how he came to find that spot, nor did he confide in his friend that he was concerned that, should he and Yukimura ever "go all the way," Yukimura would laugh at Sanada's birthmark, which was shaped like Tokyo Tower. The birthmark was in a…secretive place, thus nobody on the team knew about it, not even Renji who knew far too many of Sanada's embarrassing secrets as it was.

Renji's dreams and anything or anyone featured in them were none of Sanada's concern. Somehow, Renji still felt obligated to share and offer his personal analysis.

"The whipped cream was a memory of the cake he ate during practice, but I'm uncertain as to the relevance of the index cards and the mozzarella cheese." Renji scratched at his head, a nervous habit he'd had since Sanada first met him. Renji was only ever nervous when there was an awkward social interaction on the horizon.

"Ignore it," Sanada suggested. "It's just a dream." Sanada had dreams all the time. None of them had index cards in them, but a few of them featured the creative use of whipped cream. One day, perhaps if Seiichi were drunk or likewise out of his senses, Sanada could even give a few of them a try.

"I texted him to see if he might be able to help." Renji scratched at his head again.

Sanada now knew why creatures with a high IQ would not be able to survive in the wild. "Tell him Niou stole your phone and say it was a bad joke." Sanada blamed a lot of his social faux pas on Niou. So far it had worked, even when, strung out on cold medicine, he wrote "Seiichi Must Love Me" on the third floor bathroom door with lipstick he'd stolen from a girl in the hallway. Seiichi said the calligraphy was too sloppy to be his and benched Niou for a week.

Scratch. Scratch. "I'll do that."

  
****

  
"That's messed up." Niou peered over Marui's shoulder and read Renji's text. "Stay away from him. He's a freak."

Marui tilted his head back. "Recognize your own kind?"

"You won't recognize anything when I smash your face in, smartass." The threat was idle and they both knew it, but old habits died hard, and it was better for their secret alliance if the rest of the team thought they still hated one another on occasion.

"Think you'll pass math without me here to cheat off of? What's Yagyuu gonna say when his doubles partner has to take weekend classes to make up for crappy performance?" Marui looked back to the text. "What'm I supposed to do about this, though? I mean, the whipped cream is normal, but what the hell's up with the index cards?"

"I thought the mozzarella cheese was freakier."

Marui sketched out a drawing of the scene depicted in Renji's message. "So we've got a whipped cream skirt, right, and it's flapping in the wind. And then there's the snowman made of cheese and the 'anatomically functional' index cards."

Niou studied the drawing. "He's crazy. Tell Yukimura and maybe we can get a restraining order or something so he can't come near you during practice." The last thing Niou wanted was Renji losing it and taking Marui out on the court. Niou needed Marui or he'd never pass the math exam.

"He wants to get together to talk about it before practice. It's not like it'll kill me." Marui shrugged and sent back his reply. _Roof after school._

"If he makes a move on you, go for the groin." Niou looked at the index cards. "Or not."

  
******

  
"So I got this book on dreams from the school library, and it doesn't say anything about index cards, but it does have some interesting stuff on cheese." Marui dropped his bookbag and dug out the book. "You have any fears of women? It says large constructs made from dairy are often a manifestation of rage against a feminine adversary."

Renji only heard the last half because he was staring at the triangle of neck exposed by Marui's loosened tie and unbuttoned shirt. "No feminine adversaries."

"Huh." Marui leafed through the book some more. "Any overly masculine urges? That would tie in with the inanimate objects sporting human-like features for the purposes of procreative acts." As Marui read, he traced the words on the page with his finger. It was unbearably cute.

"A few urges." Renji looked away from Marui's neck. "Definitely more than on average."

"Okay, so no feminine adversaries, but some masculine urges." Marui frowned at the book. "Can you take some notes?" he asked. "I don't want to have to backtrack.

"I'll remember it," Renji said. He could easily remember having masculine urges for something that wasn't feminine.

  
******

"Told you that guy was weird," Niou whispered to Jackal.

Jackal nodded. "That's what happens when you forsake the sweet company of the ladies." He took out his phone and smiled at the purikura that covered it. "I'll call you tonight, Mariko-chan," he whispered.

"Your doubles partner's going to get molested on the roof and you're talking to a sticker?" Niou shook his head. Now he knew why he was Doubles 1; Yukimura didn't want the tennis world thinking someone like Jackal was the norm for their team. Of course, given the scene they were witnessing, maybe crazy was the Rikkai standard.

"Bunta'll be fine. He's known about Renji forever." Jackal smiled one last time at his sticker girlfriends and put the phone away. "He's already got it worked out. First Renji confesses, then Renji buys him dinner, then Renji starts doing his homework so he can devote all his time to finishing up Zombie Crusher 7."

"He still hasn't beaten the game?" Niou beat the game two months ago.

"He's doing nightmare mode using only melee weapons so he can unlock the special character." Jackal shrugged. "I told him it was never gonna happen, but he says he can do it."

Damn, Niou thought the melee only win cheat was a legend. Now he was going to have to go for it, too, or Marui would never shut the hell up about it. "I gotta go call Yagyuu and see if he's done with his English homework. Later."

Jackal followed him away. "I don't wanna see that kinda stuff," he said. "And Mariko-chan might still be in art club."

Doubles 2 had a lot of problems. A lot.

  
******

  
"Genichirou, may I ask you a question, one man to another?"

Sanada didn't think that any "man" would be trying to knit his beloved a muffler during free period. "What?"

"When he says that he can't come over because he's killing zombies, is that a euphemism for masturbation or is he trying to avoid me?" Renji's knitting needles stilled in anticipation.

"It means he's playing video games."

"And one more question, Genichirou?"

If Renji asked about Yukimura's "romantic preferences" or for good makeout locations again, Sanada was going to throw a textbook at him. "What is it?"

"Do you know how to end this stitch? It's time for me to start the fringe now."

Well, at least that question Sanada had an answer to.


End file.
